Ander's story
Because of my parents, I pretty much grew up going to church on Sundays. I went to Sunday school and learned the stories and songs yet I never really understood what it meant to be a Christian. From a young age I believed that there was a God and that he sent his son Jesus Christ to die for my sins. But I had no idea what sin was and why Jesus had to die. To me sin was just doing “bad” things. To me God was a cosmic genie who loved me by giving me whatever I wanted. As long as I went to church and prayed to him he would provide for my needs.
Growing up with this view of God and Christianity meant God had no place in my life how I viewed the world other than when I wanted something. I grew up thinking that all life was about was to be happy and so in high school I tired to live out that philosophy to the fullest. My life was dictated by my desires; I said and did what was on my mind. Seemingly apathetic towards everything and everyone, I was foul-mouthed, blunt, and acted as if I didn’t care when I hurt others as long as it gave me a good laugh. My friendships were shallow and short-lived and I only saw others as people as people I could use or make me happy. I spent my time chasing after things that I thought would bring me happiness: a girlfriend, the right clothes, and the right image. In my senior year, I bought a really nice sports car. I spent so much time on it, modifying its looks, washing and waxing it. I obsessed over this car so much that I never even let any of my friends sit in the back because I didn’t want them creasing the leather. What was supposed to be something that brought me happiness only became a major source of stress.
By God’s grace I made it to Cal and during my first week in Berkeley I met a member of the church group at the gym (RSF) playing basketball and he invited me to ABSK’s (A Christian campus fellowship) New Student Welcome Night. It was held on a Friday night and because I was too lazy to walk up the hill to a fraternity party I decided to go. The night was filled with thought provoking and hilarious skits. The skit was about four students, freshmen, each who had arrived at Cal aimed at going after what they thought would make them happy in life. I could identify with each of the different characters being portrayed as each person was chasing after what they thought would make them happy and yet instead of finding it, they were left feeling empty and confused. This skit really hit home with me because I’d gone through life chasing what I thought would make me happy and yet I still hadn’t found it. Like the characters in this skit, I came into college thinking I could finally find what could satisfy my desires. So that night I decided to take up the Pastor’s challenge to investigate Christianity for at least a semester and find out what it had to say what life was about.
It was during this time that I took a course on Christianity called Course 101, which outlined the foundations of Christianity. As a deluded self-professing Christian, and since I grew up in the church, I approached the class with skepticism as to how much I would learn. But it was in Course 101 that I finally understood what sin was and why Jesus had to die. Sin wasn’t just doing “bad” things but it was choosing to live my life on my own, without God. For the first time, the verse every “Christian” at least knows is John 3:16. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” made sense to me. Jesus came to die on the cross for my sins. Sin was the separation between God and me. Jesus bridged the gap between God and me by shedding his blood and sacrificing his life on the cross. Through his crucifixion Jesus washed away my sins and sins of the world away. And as a sinner I finally realized why I could not find that happiness I longed for. It wasn’t that I was looking in the wrong place or that it was because of the faults of other people, but it was because of me. My sin ruined my relationships, my sin hurt people around me and pushed them away, it was my sin, me, that messed up everything and anything good in my life.
With this new understanding of being a sinner brought to question how much I really know being a Christian meant. I called myself a Christian and yet I knew so little. I hardly lived my life as one and so I began to struggle with these truths. I didn’t want to think I had been lying to myself for so long and because of my pride I was afraid of losing people’s respect if they found out. And so I struggled and debated where I stood before God.
A few weeks later I walked into Sunday service feeling tired and wanting to give up. I knew I was a sinner and hadn’t been living as a Christian and yet I still didn’t want to admit it. Instead of repenting of my sins and admitting the lie, I turned this frustration towards God instead. The preacher’s message on that day was on John 21; how Jesus reinstated Peter. Although Peter denied Jesus three times as predicted, Jesus still forgave him. After the resurrection, it was Peter whom Jesus first appeared to and invited him back to his side. He reinstated Peter and forgave him even after he had denied Jesus three times. That was the meaning of grace and at that moment I felt as if God was calling me to come back to him. It was if Jesus was speaking to me and offering his hand of grace out to me just as he did Peter. For the first time in my life, I was brought to tears through a message. Though many of you many think of me as an emotional guy, if there is only one emotion I try my hardest to cover up is crying. I always felt that crying symbolized weakness and futility, and I didn’t want to be associated with those things. Yet as I tried to hold back the tears, they only continued to well up in my eyes. I realized I needed forgiveness as I saw my guilt, how selfish and self-serving I had become. How I had hurt and used people, viewing them as tools to use to benefit me. I was shallow in thought and narrow-minded. The only thing I ever cared about was me and my happiness. But God, looking past all this, was willing to show me forgiveness even after being hurt by my sin so much. For the first time in my life that day, November 11th 2002 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I knew true happiness was found in a life with God. I had tried to look for happiness in what the world told me would give it to me and yet I had still been left empty. It was only in Christ that I would finally find rest and satisfaction in my life. I finally felt free and at peace as I committed to giving my life to God.
My life has changed in many ways since my decision to follow Christ. Where I used to see people as competitors and people to use, I am learning to value each and every person as a child of God. To me God is no longer that cosmic genie but a loving Father who wants a relationship with me. Instead of being dictated by my desires and looking to the world for happiness, I’ve found happiness and meaning in living out the life Jesus did in loving and serving others. I would’ve never imagined my life the way it is now and just how much God can take a person who didn’t want to have anything to do with him and still show him the love and grace and turned him into a follower.
Eph 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever Amen!”