2007 has been a year where I have been learning to go back to the basics. I am so thankful to God for working in me and through me this year despite my failures and setbacks. I still remember the joy I felt when 2007 began. I really messed up in 2006 because I was so locked up in my own pride that refused to grow or move in any sort of way. I was doing things for the sake of just doing things. For example, I was meeting with students because that was what was expected of me as staff, not because I really want to know them and love them; going to prayer meetings because that was expected of me, not because I was hungering for that time with God. I thought that I had everything figured out and everything just became a routine. I lost a sense of fear towards God and it became all about how I felt and guarding my pride. Knowing how miserable I was last year, I approached 2007 with more humility.
My first priority was going to be time with God’s word. I had neglected my time with God as I juggled working life and ministry. I used to do DT whenever I had time throughout the day. But as things got busier with life and ministry, there seemed to be less and less time to just sit and do DT daily. And soon, there were more days where I did not do my DT than the days than I did. I decided to go back to the basics. Although I have heard it many times and read it many times, finally I took on the advice on how to have good DT. The first thing was to find a regular place and time to do DT. I am so thankful for Northloop. It is so close to home and very quite in the morning. It is the perfect place to do DT. I chose to do DT in the morning because I wanted my time with God to be the first thing that I do before my mind becomes cluttered with daily activities. Because I am a very task-oriented person, once I get my day started my mind does not stop until I hit the bed and it becomes very difficult for me to have quality DT when I keep thinking about what I have to do next. In the beginning, it was very hard for me to wake up and drive myself to NL and do my DT. I asked Susan and Sarah to keep me accountable. Knowing that someone will be there became an incentive to wake up in the morning. Although first couple of weeks was difficult, and the days during GLive were very difficult to wake up, I have learned to push through and really learned to cherish my times at NL. There have been numerous occasions when God would speak to me during those times or how that particular morning text would give me strength or encouragement whenever I had a tough day at work. Now, I really depend on my time with God at NL. I never really realized how important DT was until now. I can see it clearly how different I am on the days that I do DT and the days that I don’t. On the days that I don’t do DTs, I feel restless and isolated. It is not out of my self-will that I do DT every morning, but because I know that I need God’s word daily to keep me sane and to find strength to face another day. I am thankful that God has taught me to depend on His word daily. Although I do not enjoy my work, it has taught to me depend of God’s word daily to draw strength and encouragement. That is why I get up early every morning even though I am tired because God has taught me to love that time in God’s word.
Another aspect that God has added to my spiritual life is prayer. Often, prayer meeting is the only time I take time to pray to God, and it did not feel right that my prayer time has not grown for past four or five years. Beside doing DT in the morning, I decided to set aside fifteen to twenty minutes after dt to just pray. Once again, I am thankful for NL for being that perfect place for me to pray. These prayer times helped me to depend on God more. The things in my life that I would not even bothered praying about, I have learned to leave my concerns to God through those times. These times helped me to have more regular prayers for my girls, for ministry, for church, for mission, for my spiritual life. It also helped me to be more expressive in my prayers. I am thankful to God for teaching me how to pray and depend on him. I realized that it is in prayer that God stretches my heart to care about other things beside my own agenda. As I pray for different things beside my own concerns, I have experienced numerous times where my heart would pour out in prayer to my own surprise. I know that this is not because I am a spiritual person, but because I am making myself available to care about what God cares about. I’m thankful that I have just begun to learn to share in God’s heart and to experience something outside of my own sphere of concern.
After the winter retreat, I was inspired to memorize scripture more. Before, my cynical attitude would be against memorizing the scripture because I would get discouraged because of numerous different references. Instead of letting my cynicism getting the better of me, I have decided to memorize a whole chapter at a time so that I don’t have to worry about the reference. I decided to memorize one verse every other day. I started with 1 Corinthians 13 then Psalm 130, Isaiah 53, Romans 8, and Philippians 2. It took a lot of discipline on my part to review and memorize verses. I would memorize the verses while I was driving on local streets, then review the verses while I was on freeway or when I exercised. In the beginning, I did not know how this would enrich my spiritual time. Time and time again, certain verses I memorized would enhance my understanding of the DT text. Or, when I would feel discouraged and began to doubt God, certain verses like Romans 8:28 ("And we know that in all things God works for good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose") would quickly wash away my doubts or cynicism. Or verses like Psalm 130 have really helped me to cry out to God as I borrow the word of the Psalmist to express my need for God’s presence in my life. I am thankful to experience God’s words becoming so real and powerful. It has been more than what I expected from memorizing the scriptures.