As it's passion week, I have been thinking a lot about each of the characters in the passion events. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, much less to others; I am like these individuals. Yet, when I read the accounts that show how they are, I want to distance myself from them. I say to myself, I'm not that bad, I’m not like them. These accounts seem so unbelievable and incredulous almost, that people could be that cruel. How can a close friend betray Jesus for a mere 30 pieces of silver? How can crowds of people switch allegiances so quickly? How can a group of authorities frame an innocent man, and destroy and snuff out his life, just like that. How can THE commander in chief be so swayed by human approval, that he threw out his own conscience and good judgment to keep his political position? How can Jesus’ own close friends and followers, faithful and loyal to him for 3+ years, all flee and deny relationship with him to escape culpability? And yet I am like them. I am like these soldiers, whose anger and violence played out in cruel mockery and violence towards an innocent man that they did not even know. I am like these soldiers, just wanting to lord it over other people for no good reason. The events of the passion week seem like a made up story. And yet, as I read and as I write it out like this, boy, it hits close to home. I recognize aspects of myself in these characters: the cowardice and fear I feel in front of others that causes me to deny what I know to be true, how easily swayed I am by the tide of public or not so public opinion that makes me doubt my identity, the anger and even violent thoughts that surge within me because somehow I feel slighted, or because of some chip on my shoulder. Ultimately, the mantra that is behind my actions and words is "save myself." But this was the very reason Jesus came to die; not to save himself, but to save me from my own sin. I try to save myself from pain, from ridicule, from suffering and shame. He saved me from myself, my sins that would have destroyed me and everything good around me. What a wretched man I am indeed. Lord, please deliver me.